The Eighth Sermon to the Dead

Yesterday was the last day of my חדל meditation sequence. I think it was a relative success, as I've remained sane and taken time out to rest, relax, fish, and do numerous other things. It was also the day I signed the loan papers for our new house. I've been rather excited about all of this. We were told by our landlord back in March that he wanted to move back in to his house, on May of this year. We asked him to hold off until June 15th, as we'd been house hunting, and needed 60 days to close. Yesterday, we signed loan papers. The sellers sign papers today, and on Friday we will be the new owners of our home. It's been quite a journey. We started with about $1000 in the bank, and through the blessings of The Most High and various other spiritual entities, the generosity of our friends, the hard work of Paddy and myself, and a couple of wonderful pieces of good fortune and magical finagling, we're at the end of that portion of the journey. Now, the next leg b...

It's been 10 days since my last post. I've been keeping up with the meditation. We celebrated the Eucharist on Sunday in our new space, which was wonderful. Saw some new faces. This move is kicking my butt. We sign papers on 5/22, and close 5/29. It can't happen fast enough. Our landlord is moving back into his house, so he's chomping at the bit to get back up there. It's causing stress and complications as he tries to move animals in before we've moved our animals out. Animals are always unpredictable: they have their own behaviors, diseases, and issues, and they rarely stay right where you put them. I just want to kick the dust from my feet and get to our own place. When I'm already stressed, complications cause me more stress. So rest, relaxation, etc are difficult to come by. Work is gearing up for our next phase of the project, the phase that starts letting the whole company in. I'm gearing up to help support the whole system once the contractor...

Today I've been thinking a lot about the Permaculture. It combines a lot of ideas that I am interested in: renewable energy, greywater and rainwater storage, soil regeneration and restoration, food forests, trees and garden design. Careful use of resources, respectful approach to life, and thoughtful planning. It provides for the needs of human beings, and other forms of life. Waste becomes resources, productivity increases, work is minimized, environment is restored. Holy cow is that a paradigm shift. I've been raised in a culture, a business culture, of resource extraction and efficiency. That science, rationality, and engineering will produce the best life humans can have. While that may be true, it seems mainstream science has actually stopped with principles developed during the industrial age. Efficiency, redesigned as the least amount of work, became the goal. Waste was discounted. Now, though, I've come to a new business, with a new understanding of waste. In ...

On Day 23, I did manage to meditate, but writing was not in the cards. This making myself stop and take time to relax is hard. 9 hour work days, child care, dinner prep, etc. make things tough. I have no idea how single parents do it. We've been without internet for 3 days now, which is a mixed blessing. I've done a bit more around the house, got some packing done which is good. I've been out walking twice this week, and the second time was easier and of longer duration than the first. Today, I may take the goats and sheep out for a walk as well.  We'll have to see what happens. The service provider will be up tomorrow morning to check the internet. It doesn't seem to be an issue on our end. We'll see. I've given up on reading the Hugo nominees. I'm not that interested. I may come back to them later, but right now there's just too many other things on the plate. Perhaps I should buy a supporting WorldCon membership, and get the voters packet, which...

Apparently, May 6th is International No Diet Day . Given my health issues to date, I think it's a load of crock. From Wikipedia: International No Diet Day  (INDD) is an annual celebration of body acceptance, including  fat acceptance  and body shape diversity. This day is also dedicated to promoting a healthy life style with a focus on  health at any size  and in raising awareness of the potential dangers of  dieting  and the unlikelihood of success The unlikelihood of success. Just what I needed to hear right now. Success is vitally (get it?) important to my life right now. I'm 42 years old, I'm overweight (40-80 lbs depending on which chart I look at), I have high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, and the weight all rests around my middle, which studies say is a result of high cortisol levels (Stress). Does the weight cause the stress, or is the weight a result of stress? I'm sure there's a relationship there, and it may be becoming a self-reinf...

Since we have figured out the house stuff, I've been able to start concentrating on other things. one of the other things I need to concentrate on is my health. Today, I took my blood sugar reading for the first time in a long time. The value was 200, which is about 80 higher than I want it to be. So, diet reform is on The Horizon, and I am starting to exercise more. For now, I'm just going to add a walk at lunch. as we finish the move, I'll put something else in. A conversation on Sunday got me thinking about the political process specifically, the idea of an esoteric political action committee. The rules surrounding PACs are surprisingly loose, and it's fairly easy to start one. My only question would be, what sort of issues would be of interest two people with an esoteric bent? Lots of ideas and things are whirling around in my head. We'll see what comes of it.

This weekend was quite the whirlwind. Friday we went and saw the Avengers: Age of Ultron. It was a treat for the family, and a lot of fun. I really recommend the movie if you're following the Marvel franchise. Saturday was a wonderful day. Newberg Rugby went undefeated, and we're the only undefeated team in the Divisions, although we're apparently behind on points, because Union is leading the division with 10 wins/1 loss, while we have 7 wins. The parents put on a great feed for the kids and others. I played a lot of frisbee during the down times with Seamus. Fun stuff. Then, we went to dinner with some friends, and they gave us $10,000 to help buy our house! We have the best friends ever. With this gift and all the previous amounts people have given us, we're within $4000 of our down payment amount. It's amazing and wonderful news, and we cannot express our gratitude enough to the folks who gave us that gift. Sunday was a magical day. I did a Friary init...

I know this series of meditations is about rest, but it's amazing how deep thoughts simply escape during these warm days. The meditations have been going well, with at least 10 minutes of morning meditation and the occasional evening one. The house is starting to slowly fill boxes around us, making our environment a little more chaotic than usual. I'm hoping that when we move, we'll be able to fix some of the issues we had with this house, like constant clutter. Hope springs eternal. I've been reading a lot, but it's been mostly fiction. The Dark Between the Stars , by Kevin J. Anderson is my next work, but I'm having some trouble getting into it. The Gilded Rune , by Lisa Smedman is another work I'm reading, and it's easier to get into. Less characters, more linear storytelling. I've been dismayed by the trend in modern novels to jump, jump, jump.  This character, then this one, then this one. It's OK when there's two sides, like in th...

Today I was up early and meditating. I did what I call the 100 breath meditation. Basically, I count my breaths, slow, even, up to 100. Not too difficult. I didn't even lose count. My mind wandered several times to the various stressors, but I did manage to keep good position and keep count even through the wanderings. --------------------------------------------------------------------- A friend of mine posted on facebook today: I know these questions may seem "loaded". They really aren't. I ask because I don't feel like I know the truth or understand the issue. I am asking because I am getting tired of hearing and reading things from the 'Right' (The Rush Beck O'Reilly crowd) about how "they are Conservative and they love Jesus Christ" and that "the wretched soulless Liberals hate Christ and organized religion." [Their words, not mine.] So, if you feel you understand who he was (or is); would you call Christ a conservative...

So, this little 42 day challenge I've set for myself is made more difficult by the fact that I'm not consistent. Since Day 8, I believe I've meditated twice. I haven't written. I have watched all of Daredevil, cooked, cleaned, played D&D, and slept. Oh, and I indulged in some Tequila, and we sheared the llamas and sheep (anyone want some raw, dirty, wool?). All I'm supposed to do is meditate and write about rest, and instead what I've been doing is slacking off. I find there to be a difference between slacking off and resting. Rest is what happens when your work is done, and you take a sip of the beverage of your choice, reflect on your efforts, and go 'damn, I'm good.' Slacking off is not getting started. Avoiding. Procrastinating. Lazing around. Being depressed. I've noticed that when I'm depressed, those are my expressions of it. I watch TV, I play video games, I hide under my covers. I avoid, procrastinate, and simply phone it in....

Today, I am feeling ill. Headache, sinus pressure, and just fatigue. It's hard to meditate while sick, but at least rest is easy. The body knows what it needs, and today it needs rest, fluids, and more rest. You would think that meditation would fall into that rest, but meditation isn't actually restful. It's deliberate, it requires energy and will to pull yourself back from distraction, and put your focus on something. Sometimes you don't have that kind of will when you're sick. I'm going to try and get at least 10 minutes in today.

The Hugo Awards are a science fiction award. They are awarded at a smallish convention called 'Worldcon', which moves around. There are generally five nominees for each category, including Best Novel. This year, I decided to read the Best Novel nominees, as part of my attempt to get some more rest. In part, I'm reading because this year, there's a bru-ha-ha over how the nominations were chosen, who they were chosen by, and a number of other things. It's all very interesting to a subset of people, and causing emotions to run high. Reading about the controversy has made me make popcorn on more than one occasion. If you're interested, you can read some of it here , and that should link you to the other players. Do not believe everything you read about the various people, as they are far more complex than either side is portraying them. Personally, I've found the Puppies side to be interesting, while the non-Puppies seem to be reacting as anyone would when a p...

We are in Bend for a rugby game. My post will be short. I have a day 3 post which didn't get finished due to reasons involving the house. The house purchase is going well. I am happy to be in Bend. It is a nice town, and they have a Shopko, which reminds me of the Home Country. More later.

A cultural war has been raging in a community which I am not a part of, but follow with a great deal of interest. Science Fiction Fandom. A group of folks who have never participated in the nominations for the Hugo Awards before, have suddenly taken part. And the people who took part before, are understandably upset that their territory has been 'invaded' by people who are not part of their culture (although probably science fiction fans of a sort). The 'fannish culture', lets call it, has been calling for the ostracism of the invaders, and one invader in particular, a fellow with the internet title Vox Day . And he brought up a very good point in dealing with all the invective and approbation which has been leveled at him: He's not part of the group, so shunning him doesn't work. He's been denied access to the standard outlets of publishing and discussion, so he's built his own. Now, I don't subscribe to Mr. Day's opinions, but I do read...

This morning, I meditated on rest. Or tried to. I had some issues, because I have a number of things to do, and my meditation revolved around the various tasks I need to accomplish, while trying to think of when I would have time to relax a little. My life has a lot of moving parts: Esoteric work, Secular work, Religious work, family, buying a house, having to move.  We just got our notice from the landlord that our last day is 6/15/2015 in the farm we're in. We're not quite ready to buy the house, we still need to raise money for the down payment.  We're getting closer, but a bit farther away than we feel comfortable. Secular work has a large project working, and so my work environment is in flux and has a lot of excitement and tension. All of this occupies my mind as I try to meditate. But the goal of meditation is not a blank mind. It's to recognize the distractions and pull yourself back towards your meditation. I was able to do that for 10 minutes, time and aga...

חדל : to be slack, to leave off, cease, desist, rest, fail, let alone, abstain; failing, frail; forbearing; destitute, forsaken; resting-place; the grave. Starting today, I am beginning a period of mediation, prayer, and writing on the idea of חדל, which as you can see is a complicated Hebrew word. I chose this word because it's gematric value is 42, and that is my current age.  It also gives me a great time frame with which to work: 42 days.  This meditative cycle will commence today, and end on May 27th. So, for the next 6 weeks, this will be my meditative and writing goal: writing about rest, the importance of it, the benefits of failing, the plight of the forsaken, and the false victory of the grave. During this 6 weeks, I am attempting to raise my down payment for my house, pack my household, get the paperwork done for a house purchase, and keep everyone else from going crazy. I still won't be writing on Sunday, but I'll make sure I do my meditations. ...

Lent is over. I made the commitment to write every day for Lent. I mostly lived up to it, missed a few days, but tried to make up for it. Now, that commitment is fulfilled. And so... I found I've quit writing. They say 30 days is all it takes to make a new habit, but for some reason, writing never becomes a habit for me. I never 'miss' writing, the way I'd miss some of my other habits, like bathing. The same is true of spiritual habits. I'll make my commitment for a period of time (Lent, Advent, novenas) and then afterwards, I just... slack off. I don't know how to overcome this. It seems to be a recurring issue. I'm just bad at doing many things the same way every day. Believe it or not, I sometimes forget to drink coffee in the morning. Then i get a headache and am tired and wonder "Why am I achy and tired?" So, I'm going to pick a time period, and write some more, and do some spiritual exercises. Maybe I'll start on Tax Day...

Karl von Eckarthausen wrote the Cloud Upon the Sanctuary aroound 1795. Louis Claude de Saint-Martin is said to have been influenced by the worthy Councillor, and that the work had resonances with that of Saint-Martin's own intiation school, that of Martinez de Pasqually. Karl was active in the mystical and occult of France during the time period, and may was regarded as 'an extraordinary personage'. This work, therefore, has some influence on the antecedents of the school of mysticism and occult knowledge of which I am a member. His words echo (or are the source of echoes) the words which we teach in the AJC, in Martinism, and in various other orders of which I'm a member. The language is couched in the Roman Catholic Christianity by which he was surrounded, but the ideas come straight out of Hermeticism, Neo-platonism, Gnosticism, and many other of the mystery schools of the ancient world. Just as those mysteries are couched in the language of the pagan or Ch...

Today, I am giving a speech on this event . It's supposed to be a humorous and entertaining speech. I think this qualifies UPDATE: The speech got pushed until later.

The physical senses form a veil which separates us from the true, absolute, spiritual reality of the world. We are blind and do not see. We do not have ears to hear, and we are denied the thoughts no human as thought before. It is possible to over come this. This natural envelope is a truly corruptible substance found in our blood, forming the fleshly bonds binding our immortal spirits under the servitude of the mortal lesh. This envelope can be rent more or less in every man , and this places him in greater spiritual liberty, and makes him more cognizant of the transcendental world. Every man, says Councillor d'Eckarthausen, meaning every human being, can access that spiritual reality, if they have recourse to the Illuminated Church, the community which has access to the Spirit of Wisdom. However, it's not an instant process: There are three different degrees in the opening of our spiritual sensorium. The first degree reaches to the moral plane only, the transcende...