Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Meditation

For me, meditation is usually prefaced by a supreme amount of arm waving. Kabbalistic Cross, Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram, Middle Pillar, stretches, invocations, banishings, stars, triangles, squares. There's a surprising amount of preparation that usually goes into sitting.

Today, I was tired. I've been tired since 'close the gap' during Advent.

So today, I lit the candles, set the timer for 15 minutes, and just sat.

I didn't do centering prayer. I had no word, no center to return to.

I didn't do guided meditation. I had no theme for my sitting.

There was no chanting, no framing, nothing.

Just sitting.

It was surprisingly successful. My mind wandered to this and that, but at the end of it, I was less tired. At the end of it, I wasn't mourning quite as much.

I'm mourning because my dog Jes died on Valentine's day. She was my meditation buddy. Every morning, she'd come, and sit in my lap after I had done my arm waving. I'd pet her a few times, she'd lick my face and wiggle around for a while, then she'd go jump on the bed and sleep next to Paddy while I had my sit, guided meditation, etc.

I felt the lack of that today. And I let myself feel it, and let my mind wander, and let myself just sink into being. I wasn't trying to control it, or guide it, or even analyze it. It just was.

That doesn't happen to me often. I generally live in my head. For most of that 15 minutes, I lived in my gut, in my core.

Do the Work. Even if you're not feeling it. Even if the Work, is just sitting.

1 comment:

Soror A.M.Y said...

I can appreciate where you were when you wrote this. At various points along my path I have been grieving and struggling with that. Remembering points in my routine which had changed, a special one no longer there and no longer had a role in it. I had to relearn things a bit.

The Work and the daily discipline was actually soothing. I didn't feel like doing it sometimes, but like you did it anyways. Time did heal my wounds to a degree. But there are times when I too miss my girl, Kieta, so much; with her big Rottweiler frame and unbridled enthusiasm. She lives with her daddy in IN. I still see pictures of her, but she's not here...