Now, on day 25 of my Lenten Practice, I'm tired, I'm behind by two days on posting, and I'm out of ideas and buffer. I'm starting to post late at night, last thing of the day, when I'm already fatigued and not at my best. This is affecting the quality of my posts is showing it. I'm starting to do the post because I must, not because I want to, to educate anyone, or to get something out of my head.
I'm resentful of my practice. I'm angry that it's one more thing I HAVE to do. I just want to quit. I want to start watching TV or playing video games or clean rabbit cages or do ANYTHING rather than post another blog.
Funny, isn't it, the way our minds work.
"For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate." - Romans 7:15
The very process of watching myself want stop my practice is fascinating. I simply don't want to continue. I simply want to give up.
This is the period of growth. This is where you push through. This is writers block. This is the only time that growth happens, when the resistance is so great that you just want to stop. And you have to push through, and reach just one more time. One more post. One more rep. One more day without a drink. One more breath. One more.
Then tomorrow, when you want to give up again, you just need to do one more.