I find myself struggling with a bit of anger towards a co-worker. This gentleman took the opportunity to denigrate my department in front of the CEO, knowing the CEO already had a bad opinion of the department. It was a base career move by a person I thought was a friend.
I've written a letter to my co-worker, explaining my reaction, and the betrayal I feel. After writing the letter, I feel a large, empty feeling where the anger was, as if it had burned itself out, and left only ash. I haven't sent the letter yet, it seems as though the writing was catharsis enough.
Anger is a strange thing. While it's happening, it feels good to feed it, make it burn higher and higher, until it reaches an almost irrational level. As I try to express it, it dies down, and leaves nothing in it's wake. I've always thought it was a dissonance between what I knew and reality, and perhaps that is true in this case, as well.
What is it worth? Is it worth it to express this anger, which is caused by a flaw in my perception? Is it worth it to spread my misery around, to make the object of my anger as miserable, or more so, as I am?
Can I release this attachment to the anger I feel, that makes me feel so good, so superior, so much MORE than another individual?
Crap. My own reactions betray me, and it's time to go.