Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Anger

I find myself struggling with a bit of anger towards a co-worker. This gentleman took the opportunity to denigrate my department in front of the CEO, knowing the CEO already had a bad opinion of the department. It was a base career move by a person I thought was a friend.

I've written a letter to my co-worker, explaining my reaction, and the betrayal I feel. After writing the letter, I feel a large, empty feeling where the anger was, as if it had burned itself out, and left only ash. I haven't sent the letter yet, it seems as though the writing was catharsis enough.

Anger is a strange thing. While it's happening, it feels good to feed it, make it burn higher and higher, until it reaches an almost irrational level. As I try to express it, it dies down, and leaves nothing in it's wake. I've always thought it was a dissonance between what I knew and reality, and perhaps that is true in this case, as well.

What is it worth? Is it worth it to express this anger, which is caused by a flaw in my perception? Is it worth it to spread my misery around, to make the object of my anger as miserable, or more so, as I am?

Can I release this attachment to the anger I feel, that makes me feel so good, so superior, so much MORE than another individual?

Crap. My own reactions betray me, and it's time to go.

1 comment:

arod said...

I hate getting angry! I start to see red and it's like there's a monster inside of me trying to get out!

Corporate America is full of this kind of betrayal. Sad thing is that sometimes people don't even notice they are doing it until it's too late.

I hope it all works out for you brother...

Arod
Neoacacia Lodge # 595
Columbus, OH